Body Trauma and Commitment to Self-Healing

My practice in CranioSacral Therapy supports the innate part of my individuality for further inner unveiling. Who am I? What creates my inner coherence, meaning what makes me feel whole and unified? I often ask this question as I turn my attention inward. My work is also a constant reminder to stay fully present in my body and mind. Mindfully embodied to best facilitate my services of CranioSacral Therapy along with other practices, and my most recent efforts in class/group settings via Zoom.

The current COVID-19 pandemic, and now the issues surrounding vaccination access and hesitancy have brought up a lot of my past medical trauma. Full transparency: My father was a Vietnam veteran who passed away between my Junior and Senior years in high school. I was seventeen years old. He passed before our government’s full acknowledgement of the damage caused by Agent Orange.

Per Wikipedia, “Agent Orange is an herbicide and defoliant chemical, one of several “tactical use” Rainbow Herbicides. It is widely known for its use by the U.S. military as part of its herbicidal Warfare program, Operation Ranch Hand, during the Vietnam war between 1961 and 1971… In addition to its damaging environmental effects, traces of dioxin found in the mixture have caused major health problems for many who were exposed.” This includes the death of my father; he was 47 years old. It had a devastating effect on my family.

Then, while we were all still grieving, my mother had to have hip surgery. Almost dying due to complications, my mother was given a blood transfusion at a time prior to fully testing blood for Hepatitis C. A couple decades later, she was diagnosed with Hepatitis C. She passed soon after receiving experimental targeted chemotherapy which quickly weakened her. I witnessed firsthand the negotiation, or what I felt was manipulation, with the doctors reassuring my mother that this experimental treatment was the only route for her.

As I witnessed my mother’s body weaken, the times she fell and could not get up, her whispered yells for help because she was too weak to talk after the treatment, and the quickening of her passing, I realized after the fact that she had another choice, to not receive that experimental treatment. Her one question to the doctors was that she wanted to live out the best quality existence to her end. Her reassurance from this target specific experiment failed. Please keep in mind this specific treatment was almost twenty years ago.

My goal is to diminish, if not fully eliminate my body’s trauma responses. Yes, I have trauma. And I am committed to doing my self-work so I can continue supporting others in their self-work.

Often, as I turn my attention to the COVID-19 vaccination, my mind is hesitant, yet understands the global predicament. But my body has an uncomfortable visceral response, there is an inner quaking deep within that I cannot ignore. I have been observing this for a while as my family and others ask if I have registered for the vaccination. As I observe my body respond, I am realizing that I have more work to do. My work is to navigate my mind and body to be on the same page. So, I am not adding uncertainty on top of past wounds. I continue working on removing my overlays, not adding to them.

To all those I care for and about, my vaccination is coming. Probably, Johnson & Johnson’s single shot.

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